What To Wear To Glastonbury In Your Thirties

It’s Sunday lunchtime at Glastonbury 2011 and after consecutive days of rain, sludge, mud and stuck wellingtons, the weather at Worthy Farm is blistering. And I mean apocalyptically sunstroke-inducingly scorching. Particularly in my tiny tent. A boiling-hot-beer-can-lined inner circle of hell, where I am staring at my only trousers: a pair of H&M pleather leggings, astonishingly comfy and wipe clean, but the exact antithesis of the sort of clothing required for a surprise heatwave.

There’s no way I’m going to risk an overheated trip to the medical tent while awaiting Beyoncé’s much-hyped Pyramid Stage performance, so, I procure a pair of nail clippers (from where I have no recollection), snip my stretch sweat-inducers into shorts, and off I go on my merry way to queue to see Bey.

Faced, this summer, with the idea of attending a UK festival in my thirties, after a pandemic-induced live music hiatus, deciding what to wear has proved as difficult a prospect as securing Glastonbury tickets. Looking back at photos of the festival attire I wore in my early- and mid-twenties has not been revelatory. There are Lurex bikinis, tie-dye American Apparel hoodies, crop tops, cut-off denim shorts and a bulging drawer’s worth of over-the-knee socks. The less said about the photo I find of myself plonked outside a tent as a friend shaves an undercut into the side of my hairline, the better.

So, what to wear when you’re well past flower crowns, glow sticks and glitter, and the concept of indie sleaze is far too fresh for a repeat? What paraphernalia to pack when you’d rather be sipping a cool glass of organic wine than something warm and no longer fizzy from a keg? Here we present the Vogue guide to what to wear to Glastonbury in your thirties (just don’t forget to bring your Berocca).

The hands-free phone holder

Satisfyingly, you no longer need to bring a burner phone with you to Glastonbury, which based on previous experience, would promptly run out of battery leaving you contactless for days. We hear Worthy Farm has phone signal and handy charging points. Cross your iPhone over your shoulder and skip on your merry way.